(via tiresome)
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He`s a mile away and you`ve got his shoes!
Doctor i'm a moth...
A guy thinks he’s a moth, so he goes to the doctor and says; “This is kinda wierd and you might not believe me but I’m totally convinced I’m a moth. My friends all just fall about laughing, but you being a doctor I’m sure you’ll understand. I’, just totally convinced I’m a moth.” He says; “Well that’s very interesting indeed, but I’m just a practitioner, an ordinary MD, it’s not really my field, maybe you should see a pyschologist or a psychiatrist possibly.” The guy then says; “Well its funny you should say that because I was on my way to the psychiatrist when I noticed your light was on…”
You ever get like sometimes ye get on that toilet and ye shit, that water splash up on yo’ ass? Don’t that make ye mad, right? You know what really make mad is when the shit is halfway out, then go back up in that mothafocka. Why do shit be teasin’ yo’ ass? Just get the fuck out, right? You know what really make me mad is when yo’ ass don’ cooperate whicha then clinch up and break the shit in half? You be mad like a motherfucker too coz you gotta whip yo’ ass for 5 hours. Use 12 roles o’ toilet paper on that mothafocka. You know what really bother me is when you be strainin’ for a long time and one lil’ pebble shit comes out? Y’ want some shit this big right? Stick yo’ head up your ass and say: That all the shit I’m gonn’ get mothafocka? And it’s afterwards right, when you done with shit, you done all the shittin’ you gonna do for the whole day and you flush that toilet and one chunk come back… WHAT DOES THAT CHUNK WANT?
Eddie Murphy - RAW
Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” And the rabbit says, “No.” So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
